With ex after 45 years: what prevents you from enjoying life

With ex after 45 years

Life after 45 is wonderful: a career has already developed one way or another, financial stability has appeared, and there are several more years ahead when income will grow. Children, as a rule, have already grown up, and you can spend time and money on your pleasures. But for some reason, the joys of sex are becoming less and less. The editors of Passion.ru asked the experts why this happens and what to do about it.

Healthy sex in a healthy body

It is difficult to enjoy sex if it causes physical pain. Decreased production of sex hormones often leads to a feeling of dryness in the vagina. Local immunity also decreases, and anxiety for one’s health does not improve libido.

According to gynecologists, changes in physiology are not a sentence. During sex, you need to use suitable lubricants, be sure to protect yourself with barrier methods. In addition, according to indications, hormone replacement therapy can be selected. Age does not interfere with having sex and enjoying it; from the point of view of physiology, there are no obstacles.

Problems with sex can arise from where they did not expect – from the side of the joints, for example. It would seem, where is sex, and where is arthrosis. And there is a connection. “The arthrosis gene, as a rule, passes through the female line,” says orthopedist, traumatologist Ivan Eremin. – As a rule, large joints suffer: the hip and knee, because they carry the entire main load of the body. A person walks for 50 years, someone runs, someone jumps, someone gets injured, but in about 95% of cases, after 50, problems with the cartilage tissue of the joint begin. The cartilage begins to collapse, crack, lose its properties and gradually begins to exfoliate from the bone tissue.

Let us omit the medical details of the ongoing processes. “It is important that there are nerve endings in the bone tissue that are responsible for the pain syndrome,” the expert continues. – The brain, in response, gives the command to the adductor and flexor muscles (these are the inner and outer surfaces of the thigh) to contract. After some time, pain occurs not only in the joint itself, but the muscle cannot stretch as it should physiologically stretch. And when in the process of having sex you need to spread your legs, discomfort arises. Libido drops, sex life ends there. There is another dependence of sex on healthy joints. Violation of the work of one joint leads to a violation of the entire musculoskeletal system. The spine suffers, headaches begin, with which it is not at all up to intimate life.

So that the joints do not interfere with enjoying sex in any position, in the first place, you should not ignore even slight discomfort and self-medicate. “At this age, the peak of a career is reached, the peak of financial well-being, children grow up, and here such a sore,” says Ivan Eremin. – Families begin to break up, because sexual harmony is important. Depression begins: it seems to have achieved everything, and Maslow’s pyramid begins to break, because the first step is survival: food, sleep and … sex.

Sex lives in the head

“After 40, life is just beginning,” the heroine of the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears” optimistically declared. And experts – doctors, psychologists, sexologists – agree with this. But society is not. It imposes such a fear of old age and changes in the body that it becomes not up to the pleasures of the flesh.

““I’m already a grandmother, what kind of sex do I have,” my clients often say, who are even just over 40, says psychologist Svetlana Oleinik. – Persistent and very harmful stereotypes live in society: “only young people can be sexual”, “age-related changes in the body are not sexy”. This is beneficial for the beauty industry: in an attempt to retain visual youth, we spend money, time and energy. But aging is a normal process. And sexuality does not cancel.

It is difficult to fight the stereotypes accepted in society. And it is better to work out negative attitudes together with a specialist. But on your own, you can at least shake your belief that “sex is only for the young.” “Start asking yourself questions,” advises Svetlana Oleinik. – I myself think that only young people are sexy, or does my environment think so? How do I know that everyone thinks this way? Are there people in my environment who are over 45 years old and are actively having sex? Do I notice women who look sexy and attractive at their age?

Another harmful stereotype that prevents you from enjoying sex after 45 is the belief that sex is only possible to build relationships. And if for some reason you don’t want a relationship, then there shouldn’t be sex. “The quality of the relationship makes a woman happy,” says the psychologist. – But many fall into the trap of substitution of concepts, believing that relationships are only relationships between a man and a woman. And we are talking about the quality of relationships with oneself, with the world, with the environment. And in this case, sex and pleasure from it are not tied to marital status.

Sex education

Want to get more pleasure from sex – masturbate, various experts recommend.

But there is another stereotype associated with masturbation that can spoil all the fun: “Masturbation is a last resort for those who are not able to find a partner. Masturbating is humiliating.”

“Women who masturbate know their bodies better and get more pleasure from partner sex,” sexologist Elena Galetskaya writes in her god.

“After 45, it’s not too late to study your body,” Svetlana Oleinik agrees with her colleague. – In Tao, the age after 45 is generally called the age of quiet joy. The emotional swing is over, you can safely explore your pleasure, have sex and live the way you want, without looking back at the myths that live in the public mind.